On Becoming A Regular
It’s shockingly easy to become a regular. Pick a restaurant, a bar, a bookstore, a coffee shop, a church. Easy peasy.
It’s important that you pick a spot you like. Go there on the same day of the week, at the same time, exactly three (3) times. Be friendly. I can almost guarantee you that the staff and/or the people around you will start asking questions about your life. They will start to take a genuine interest. How you respond to these inquiries will determine your status as Regular. Open up! Likewise, you’ll want to start asking questions about their lives. Don’t hesitate! People love to talk about themselves. Boom. You’re a Regular.
We tend to assume that being a Regular at any given establishment looks like the sitcom, “Cheers.” Sure it can be that kind of personal connection, with or without shenanigans, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it is getting to know people, but a lot of times, it’s the people you encounter regularly anticipating what you’re going to need or want. Hopefully, you can do the same for them.
To be clear, being a Regular can end up being a series of platonic relationships with people that you pay for a service. It sounds bad, but I promise it’s not. There will, after all, be those that you don’t pay. It is important, though, to bear this in mind.
Being a Regular certainly has its upsides. For instance, I’ve got this bar around the corner from my apartment. I like some of the other Regulars there, but mostly I enjoy the staff. I’ve learned who works when and I have my favorites. When you’re a teacher you aren’t supposed to have favorites, but when you’re a Regular at a bar, you can totally pick favorites.
Who are my favorites? The kids! (Calm down, I don’t mean literal children.) I’m talking about the 23-28ish year olds that are just doing a job while they figure out their lives.
Side note: I can’t help but notice that these “kids” are about the age that my actual students that I once taught would be now - kids that I taught 10 years ago. Huh.
ANYWAY
When you’re a Regular at any kind of place, you build relationships, and with that comes knowledge about the people around you. What do you do with that information? Are you the type that listens and nods, while keeping your thoughts to yourself? (classic non-contributor) Are you the type to try and fix what’s broken? (classic meddler) Are you the type of person that will smile while passing judgement? (white wine drinker) Are you the type that shows up outside of the standard meeting ground? Being a Regular, when done well, will cause you to look outward, as well as inward. That’s a good thing.
Are you a gossip? If so, get out. You can’t be a Regular.
I tend to believe that a huge part of our purpose on God’s Green Earth is to make life a little bit better for at least one other person. If I can offer a smile, or a joke, or a bit of advice to someone at my bar, maybe I’m doing my part. Likewise, I get to hear from an assortment of characters that may or may not be able to make my life a little better. I think that’s what it means to be a Regular.
I guess I should’ve said from the jump that becoming a Regular is easy, but being one is a beautiful responsibility - not in the sense that you’ve taken on a burden, but more like you’re taking a chance making new connections and fostering new relationships. It’s an honor that can be easy-going, or deeply meaningful, and that’s entirely up to you. I highly recommend becoming a Regular somewhere, anywhere, and if it doesn’t feel right, pick a new spot and try again.